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We move to new cities, spend years meeting people in college and at work, and have infinite possibilities provided by dating apps and similar technologies.

But what's really changed are our underlying goals: When my coauthor, Eric Klinenberg, and I visited a nursing home and asked older folks to describe why they married their spouse, they said things like, "He seemed like a pretty good guy," or "She was a nice girl." When you ask our generation why they married someone, the quotes are much more dramatic: "She is my other half," "I can't imagine experiencing the joys of life without him," or "Every time I touch her hair, I get a huge boner." We are in an search for the right person. I had a great time in the casual dating scene, but at a certain point the single world had worn me out.

Had Tanya really done anything that rude or malicious? No, my dear, what's frustrating is the fact that you are so amazing, yet wasting your time with someone who isn’t into you at all. It is a concept that people, who can’t tell whether or not a prospect is interested or not, bemoan.Newsflash: If you can’t tell, it almost always means that the person is not interested – and you should view that as a clear signal, not a foggy one.You will hear from this person often and you will not feel played.Whether you’re looking for something casual or something more serious, if someone is inconsistent with you and it is bothering you, move on. “Mixed signals” such as these are not worth your time and effort.

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I got laughs but also something bigger—the audience and I were connecting on a deeper level.

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