The sustaining benefit of sex in marriage is not the orgasm, but the committed intimate relationship.Don’t buy into the temptation to dwell on the ways you are deficient — the temptation to self-destruct.There’s not a magic number of weeks or months to wait before dating someone else after having sex. “Desire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way” (Proverbs 19:2).Andy Stanley recommends Christians who have lapsed into a sexually immoral lifestyle wait a full year before dating again — he says, in fact, that it is the best and most important piece of advice he can give those in this situation. As you consider someone for marriage, their maturity today — the evidence and trajectory of their becoming more like Christ — should be your primary concern.Here are six truths to help still your heart, quiet the lies, and proceed with compassionate caution and wisdom in a relationship with someone who has a sexual history. Whether you measure up to anyone else or not, if you buy into the lie that love should be quantified, you destroy real intimacy.
“The fear of man lays a snare” (Proverbs ): the trap is . Bringing your partner’s sexual past up repeatedly will destroy your relationship quickly: “Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends” (Proverbs 17:9).What scares you is that you will come up short in your manhood or womanhood in marriage — that you will always be living in the shadow of your partner’s ex-partners — that your shortcomings and deficiencies will loom over you in the form of inexperience.Remember this: meaningful sex isn’t primarily about a particular (1 Corinthians 7:4; Ephesians –32) — and only in the God-appointed context of the marriage covenant.Search your heart and root out self-righteousness so that you’re not blind to see that God may be giving you marry your partner who has a sexual history, you will not be the best person in their life in every area of life. It is way too easy to become obsessed with a partner’s sexual history.If your partner says, “I don’t think about my ex,” it really could be true.
Is this a man or woman manifestly, not flawlessly, marked by the grace of God, a grace that forgives and makes new?